do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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