i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
