Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize