After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
