aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
