Is it normal to miss your booty call?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the condom got lost in my hair
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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