Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She's the barista slut.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
