my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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