she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I skipped work to stalk him.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
