She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize