im drinking this country out of the recession.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
