I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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