I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
