Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
