We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
