she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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