If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
