I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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