Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
