3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
