Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
