I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
