Where is the hickey?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
