You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
