It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize