Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
