He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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