i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize