i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
