Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
