He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
