Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
