Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
