in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just gift wrapped bread.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize