I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
