Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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