Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
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