Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
