DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
How external is "for external use only"?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize