i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
