make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
