tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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