i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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