she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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