Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
