my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
