Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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