Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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