So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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