Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
