I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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