I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
