you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
