Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
