You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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