Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
