i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
