I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
