How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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