Porn is love you can see.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
