this beer tastes like vomit already
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
