I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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