Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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