Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
