: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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