So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
