Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
