glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
