There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
