Its about making memories worth repressing
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
it glows. i had to have it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm at about main and main street
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
