so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
