Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Randomize
