watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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