You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
