I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
