honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
