So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Text me some of your sweat
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
