The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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