If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
