I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize