She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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