Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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