You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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