I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
