Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
