I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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