I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
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