I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
