Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
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