Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize