Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
