A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
