i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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