Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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