WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
