im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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